Who da thunk it? Looks like some of the affluent in DC have been inspired by America's favorite Fagmila from New Jersey. Noticing the numbers were in need of some massaging, the union boyz from Detroit paid a visit to capitol hill last December looking to collect from their share of the November heist they were hired to help perpetrate. Reminiscent of scenes from "The Godfather", the bosses showed up ready to testify with their respective conciglieres, congressmen stepped to the microphones, light bulbs began to flash and the show was on. The initial shakedown from the American public was close to 20 billion, give or take a few.
After several days of testimonies and meetings, only two of Detroit's three family's accepted the offer for Washington's protection. One can only imagine the reasoning behind Ford's suddenly new found revelation they did not need the money. The next logical question was whom is going to be assigned the role of enforcer now that Washington had ponied up. Perhaps not wanting to taint the mafia stereotype, the boys thought it might be a good idea to take a cue from Moscow and introduce Steve Rattner as the new "Car Czar"
By March it was apparent that GM was not capable of delivering on their take. Word went to the street an example needed to be made, the next day CEO Rick Wagoner was asked to quietly step aside. Eventually Chrysler was no longer cable of sustaining it's overhead and debt, something needed to be done. The Capo di tutti capi had seen enough and assembled all party's involved for a discussion.
Considering they delivered the necessary goods on their end, the union comes to the table claiming Cosa Nostra. The DC family apparently agrees and decides to buy out Chrysler's actual investors by offering approximately .30c on the dollar, take it or leave it. Keep in mind these investors were in for over 6.8 billion dollars, representing approximately 20 hedge fund and investment firms. This money represents ordinary American citizen's retirement and savings accounts, not some fat cat Wall Street tycoons this administration likes to depict them as by using the broadest of paint strokes. They were publicly called greedy speculators, criminals and vultures. These American businesses invested American money in an American car company and were being shaken down by the American government.
Initially the firms thought better of this offer by deciding to take their chances in bankruptcy court, where they had good reason to believe .60c on the dollar would be a more reasonable scenario. The government sends in it's muscle in the form of the press corp, threatening to expose names and family members. After all, did they really need to remind them how they persuaded Acorn to rent buses of people to picket and threaten AIG family members in front of their homes? I would not be surprised if this assurance would come with a giant inflatable rat ready to take residence in front of certain houses.
Sixteen firms flinched after public chastisement by deciding to reconsider the offer for protection. Four firms have stayed the course while one attorney had the courage to go on public record outlining in detail how the government was threatening him and the company he was representing. In the interim, our government has decided to fore go the vig on the UAW 4 billion dollar bridge loan along with the 3.2 billion necessary for bankruptcy proceedings...Hey, what do we say as a matter of good faith we tear up the notes all together and start from scratch? The union receives 55% ownership and the government gets 8 points for keeping things properly cleaned. Next we arrange a marriage with our Italian friends at Fiat and have them join the party. After all, they are la famigla!
Arrivederci!
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